Mama says….

“Have you had any thoughts of self harm” Amanda, my health visitor asked me..

No. I thought. But I had had a few days that I had felt a little low. Nothing deeper than that though I told her. Isn’t that normal…I asked myself? That’s the golden question we all ask as new first time mums…’Isn’t that normal?’

Being a pharmacist by profession, I realised that I had a higher threshold before I ask for help, which is not necessarily a good thing. But I felt quite well versed as to what to look out for when it comes to post natal depression. I had seen a patient in my clinic who was scared she would harm her baby before I had gone on maternity. She had a 6 month old and a history of depression before she became preganant. I was not feeling anything like that, but did that mean I was not depressed?

But I found it to be a taboo amongst some patients, for a variety of reasons such as culture and faith beliefs to admit that they were needing help mentally. In fact counselling was a no no and medication was a ‘no way’.

The PHQ questionnaire that Amanda was referring to was all too familiar, it is used in general practice to help assess if a patient is likely to be depressed and to what severity.

This questionnaire is freely available online and asks specific questions to help doctors diagnose depression.

I remember when Micah was born, I don’t know how I would have managed without my mum. She would have him for me for an hour or so in the morning so I could get that deep REM sleep! It made a difference. But as someone who was very active and independent prior to parenthood. My world changed. So it takes some getting used to.

The important part about this is that it’s a good idea to talk about it. We are all different. But. Staying silent is not the answer.

The things I have done to keep myself as healthy mentally as possible is to recognize when I need help with the baby and not being scared or ashamed to ask. .

Spending time at a mall with my friend and her daughter

Before my mum returned to Africa, she left me with a few bits of advice that I wanted to share.

Here were her top tips….

“Try not to lose your identity, just because you have had a baby”. Try and look after yourself, she said. So have a shower as often as you can. sort out your hair. Make an effort to get dressed up to church at the weekend. Remind yourself of who you were before Micah arrived. As much as this may sound superficial. If we think we look good, we feel good.

Look at the things you miss in my life before Micah and see what you can still do with him in tow, and replace things you can no longer do. Your life isn’t over. You will evolve into a better more suited version of yourself.

Ensure you go out everyday. Even if it’s to the library and back. There is nothing like adult contact!

Write down goals that you still have that include your baby and ones that don’t. Of course when you feel able. But most importantly speak to people.

I found it really helpful to speak to other mums. Ones that had recently become new mums but were ahead of me, as they knew how I felt, but were able to advis how they overcame it. Also those still pregnant, as encouraging them helped me realize how well I was doing.

The main thing was not to put too much pressure on myself. I was adjusting to a major change. It was okay to just go with the flow. It definitely gets better.